YESTERDAY ;was a day of struggles .
between friendship and relationship .
i use to think .
things are always easy to solve .
because ,
it doesn't happen to me .
finally understood how selfish i am .
how stubborn i am .
and how much i could break a friends heart .
without knowing .
do i deserve good friends then ?
i doubt so ...
a moment of impulse .
choose to walk away .
i'm really feeling damn terrible .
i have no way to run .
with no place to hide .
i wana run away .
i know ,
i can't .
my sisters ,
my brothers .
i'm sorry i hurt you guys .
i have failed you .
i am nolonger th CherieAnn i used to be .
how ti be cheerful ?
how to handle stuffs ?
how to advise you guys ?
i am not fit to be a counsellor anymore .
you guys have to be on your own when you've met with any .
i am seriously lucky .
to know you guys .
and knowing you guys loved me so much .
you guys loved me more then i loved myself .
who am i ?
i don't even know .
did i love Clarence more then i ever loved Pengguan ?
who knows th ans ?
do i ?
i seriously don't .
many things for me to sort out now .
which sentence is true ?
and which aren't ?
you loved me more then you loved your girlf .
in this world .
who will believe you ?
i don't wish to be a slut ,
a bitch .
to be th 3rd party .
i finally knew whats on your mind after yesterday .
things that you want Reagan to keep in mind .
he has told me alr .
i am alr hurt .
th damage has been done .
th scar is there and its still bleeding .
really .
i have a feeling .
you alr have a definite ans of whom you want actually .
it'a gonna be her .
her .
i'm sure ,
you loved her more then a hundred times then to me .
everything is just an excuse to make me feel better .
please be truthful will you ?
tell me .
straight to my face .
you nolonger love me .
say its impossible between th both of us .
say ,
you only loved her .
don't lie .
it must be from th bottom of your heart alright ?
then ,
i will slowly give you up .
i know ,
nothing will be coming out from this bloody relationship anymore .
i am alr ....
so tired ,
i'm so scared of hearing ,
iloveyoo.
sigh .
after all that happens ,
i know .
everything gotta have a fullstop .
its just like ,
after every sentence .
there got to be a fullstop in order to make it a complete sentence .
a whole ...
likewise ,
i am suppose to finish everything .
put a stop to it .
if i can let you go wholeheartedly ,
nobody will be needed to struggle anymore .
just get on with th life we wanted .
we used to went thru .
you are in a too important place in my heart .
guess ,
things will change in th due time isn't it ?
you alr told me .
you will respect my decision .
right now ,
i am trying to leave you ,
your life ,
especially YOU .
CLARENCE THAM GUOHAO .
in my heart
you will only be my friend .
my love for you will be converted to friendship love .
i have no choice .
i won't force you to make a decision of whom you wanted .
leave it .
i nolonger bother about th love you got for me .
i'm too tired .
give me a peace of mind .
thats all i want for now .
alright ?
leave me .
stop loving me .
and love your girlf whole heartedly .
so as to be fair to her .
don't let any girl down anymore please .
its too hurting .
i should have understood this .
i once had ,
i've had owned you before .
knowing you ,
i have no regrets .
its just that th pain and th love refuse to leave me .
i will shoo it away soon .
thanks for everything .
and i'll always remember ,
what you told my friend lastnight .
lastly ;
iloveyoo ♥ .
♥AIREN ;
you've been a great help .
i'm sorry for everything .
i have really turned blind .
idk what is going on with me alr .
but ,
after everything .
i know ,
who really loved me and who aren't .
who is th fake 1's in my life .
and ,
seriously glad ,
i got you as a sister .
thank's AIREN♥ .
your love ,
i will learn to keep .
and ,
to treat you better double of whatever you have done .
million and million of thanks ♥.
♥REAGAN ;
i know you want me to feel better .
instead of crying everynight you see me .
yes .
i realy felt th care from you alr .
thanks lah brother .
you were a great friend .
though i did blame you for not asking my permission .
and called them .
but ,
atleast this way .
i knew .
what are they thinking about .
sigh .
still have to say .
i'm sorry for everything yesterday .
and ,
million of thanks to you too .
iloveyoo brother ♥ .
♥ JEREMY ;
you are using another method to speak to me .
but ,
sorry .
i really won't oblige .
i'm too stubborn .
it isn't your fault .
i know you care .
and also don't wish to see me behaving this way .
i have lost th battle .
but ,
to myself .
i really have alot of wounds on me .
it'll take quite awhile to heal everything .
i got so hurt when you guys said ,
i wasn't th CherieAnn you knew in th past .
i am nolonger myself .
plus ,
idk who i am now .
give me time to find everything back .
i'm too obsessed with him alr .
sigh .
in any case ,
i will love you like how you loved me DI ♥ .
everything is appreciated .
iloveyoo ♥ .
Longpost again .
but ,
this is everything i wana say for yesterday .
everything happened in just 1 night .
thats terrible .
i will learn to stand up .
and solve my own problems .
healing in progress .
my eye still swollon .
my head is still spinning
damn damn tired .
both physically and mentally .
guys ,
drink again tonight please ?
yesterday is th first time ,
i got dizzy so easily .
guess ,
i was really really hurt .
let me use something to fa xie .
basketball ?
panadol ?
drink ?
smoke ?
anything except drugs -.- .
shall get my cigg now .
so stressedup .
i'm sorry for what i have done .
lastly ,
I AREN'T A BALL .
STOP THROWING ME WHEREVER YOU THINK YOU WANT .
NINABU CB .
i choose th path i want .
i choose th person i love .
IT'S NOT UP TO EITHER OF YOU .
.....
